So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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