Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
