does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
