He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
