go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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