There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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