I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
