I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
from now on my penis is your penis
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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