I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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