"it" just moved
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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