Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
