There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
