I got chris browned last night
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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