Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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