I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
