using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
