Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Please, let me fuck your mom
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
