oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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