everyone is single if you try hard enough
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
