i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
