so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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