Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
