she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
