I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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