I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
