Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
