It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
