Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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