i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
