guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
