i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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