I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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