two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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