Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
