if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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