And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
