i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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