u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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