hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
