I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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