3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
