I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
