I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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