i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
