It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
