i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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