Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
