Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
