I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
