I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
