Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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